How I want to stop this
          quiet self-destruction
I run          it gets me           thought
wave across the water
          stirring
colors exchange with dark
house enveloped and empty
I have been asked to leave
I have never been asked to
          leave before          not
                    in this way          by
a member immediate             my respected
friend suddenly uncomfortable
in our gift          not seeing it
set before him 
          still a child
I am impatient for a man
I love only boys          I
          am asking for it

I think I will go away
for a while           travel to
          a new place and wait
for everything to grow back
home          because
          I am a tired gardener
          it ulcers me          to bring
          you water over and over and
                    over
and you not recognize your
supplier          your life-support
Rather
          game has taken the place
                    of tender
                    conversation
You have gotten too comfortable