August 2000 - Letter 23
(Depression Sonnets)

I

BLUR! It goes
off n' we go off
interrupting dreams, slaves
to its master rhythm
((hopeful)) intense.
Abandon diversion.

Respect means to look again.
Frugality is one mark,
respect another & humility
((true humility)) this
plus fear are the attributes
a man of knowledge
brings to the table
in the act of war.

II

To war could be
struggle to blurt out
verse ((or read same)) struggle
to limit meddlesome logical
linear tendency, so true
wants to kill off the Africa
in it, wants to kill the music
replace it w/ solitude, logic, a
kick in the ass man! What's
a little logic like but sand
in the man's Vaseline, oil
in the clean water, like
another shitty simple simile
in place of a thing, a symbol of itself.

III

Compose. (No ideas
but in things!) Invent!
At one time stars
were a diversion. A nightly
glimmer to unhinge the seeker
from certain realities/responsibilities.
Now only a crazy man gazes
or walks dogs in neighborhoods
or plants salad greens on front lawn
or makes meaning a priority
or avoids Frankenfoods & better living
through chemistry. Chemicals. Ego.
Napalm for lawns. Attachment
to arrogance very much a disease.

IV

We sneeze. We suffer. We hurt
as everyone else. Mortal. In search
of an equal diversion, or a soul
building experience. Slap. No ideas
but in things. Walking. The inner
voice that stops in your tracks
and says: "I am your inner voice."
It says: "Abandon diversion."
It says: "Depression is attention
getting device." It says: "No
more illusion." It says: "Antidote
for velocity." It says: You
have your needs met." It says:
"Relax, don't do it, if you want to come."

V

Sure, Nauthiz Reversed.
Myself, an offering, to myself.
Sure, suffering once meant undergoing.
Odin in the tree, suspended by feet
finding the magic stones. Shadow
wreaking havoc. And what a hell
disowning frugality/humility/respect
can be. How mis-shapened do you want
to be? How the diversions, when removed
make a mirror. How the sweet doctor's
charged words become an oasis, a divination.
Thought lies communal with
                                                         the brooding worm.
And in the next room, a lover farts.

VI

Truth be known: walk, tend
to the garden, no metaphor, but yes
at once, the same. Truth be known
a shadow manifests as nocturnal
ringing, grinding, itching, it's
more than August fleaseason.
A lesson plan, an antidote. A certain
notion of liberation seeks to right
((unite)) the Odin in you out that
Sacred tree in what you been
((he)) tangled. Betangled with a left
brain-leaning impulse. Be gone!

VII

Every Slaughter must have its anthem.
What racks up pity points.
Every boy his calling.
You don't get it from running.
Or writing nocturnal blurtings.
You could be out making money.
Are you tenacious?
Or have the bastards won?
That was never your priority.
Like this August 3:15 thing.
Or nurturing diversion.
You wanted a well-built soul.
What activates shadow.
Mine is diversion.

VIII

Have the bastards won?
Is it the triumph of the ultimate
ego? What is YOUR anthem? What
to write on YOUR headstone? "Fed
the hungry poets? "Pure, unrealized
potential?" "Had a nice voice
a good sense of rhythm?" "Too
many question marks?" "Unreadable
handwriting?" Without an anthem
you are a Slaughter, an
anathema. A diversion seeking
the Watercourse Way, the easy
way out. The bastards winning.
Train horns trailing off. Southbound.

IX

Diversion or resonance
renaissance, becoming one
with flow. Becoming. No one
said this was going to be easy. Soul
is not a cable TV channel or a pizza
delivered to your door, not a
K-Mart Blue Light Special, not
$1.89 a gallon, not an offer what
expires @ midnight tonight. Renewal.
Reacquaintance  w/ the eternal. We'll
be here for you when you're ready.
Like the good doctor's hydrangea.
Like that lesson plan what provides
Halloween                  greens.

The quotes are from William Carlos Williams.
Nauthiz is one of the 25 runes.

peN#987
4:07A
8.23.00