just got a call
from pete
back in the hospital
this time in a
tangible boston, not a
different world
of california
what am i going to do here?
Of course i love my boy
we've been hanging out
forever since 9th grade
and that feeling of
protection— that need to
take over
still resides in me
but we haven't been
close since the whole
heart tumor fiasco of
his 4 years ago and this
new crisis of his
"the mental institution"
is bigger and scarier to me
than i could ever
have imagined.
i don't want the roll
of being right by his side
i don't know how to
take care of this—
nor do i want to.
i swear that if it
wasn't pete he'd be
out of my life already.
He's the only one of
those fanclub boys
that i still speak with
and keep connected with.
I'm just tired and scared
of this and i
don't know how to
proceed— Big Deal
physical illness was
a lot more straight forward
i swear— in being
this boy's "one to turn to"
i am growing and learning
and the bounds of my
commitment and love
are tested every phone call,
every visit, every conversation.
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