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8.12.99, midnite
I was writing down
all of it, conversation
and sound
voice defensive this
is my artistic self
I'm not apologizing
it's just the way it is with me
I've fallen into my chaos and can't get up
we were talking just before
midnight I wanted to clear
the air he
said
I don't know what to say
I
said
I don't think I'm asking you
to say anything
I am a great observer of my emotions
they remind me over and over again
that I am human
it's
wait and see mode
six of one half a dozen of the other
you get older and you kick yourself
but I don't look back much
I learn as I go
stay where I am
All this writing business
restless cats
DREAM:
woman kisses me bitterly
It's not the taste I expect
was looking for a little softness
* * *
you have to dance around heavy concepts
because words are inadequate to explain some things
women lovers who only meet
me in dreams
where are your soft lips
your fleshy flesh
I have been here all
along
basically you're damned
don't spit into the wind
enough of this silliness
just get your work done so we can go to Vancouver
my dynamic aches
pendulums
at the
bottom of my will
Oh God, I've become
a ritual
and now
you wont talk to me
line please:
yeah, I knew her
she's a very interesting woman
but she just didn't have enough time
her creative juices were always flowing
and not over me
You may have just lost
the best thing that
ever happened to you
I know I
know
noon
you
are in love with your work
A day when my in-love-ness may
be transferred to trees
to another
working in love with his work
together to look up and feel
the circle
of in-love-ness
energy
I greet my cat at the door
water the birds
* * *
He was a ghost in his
own home
wife
making love
to her paper
and looking for one soul
who understood
she left
him there with the cats
and a $120,000 mortgage
now she thinks:
As a lover
I'm a pain in the ass
No body likes to be
2nd place
to a book or pen
That was the dentist on
the phone
dear
time to fix those rotting teeth
you go
I'll lie
here and
cure myself
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