Read the pain
In the lines of my face
The downward cast of my eyes
The slump of my shoulders
Deforming my spine
Into a weak symbol
Of my defeat.
The battle lost
The heart
Hostage
To my emotions
I still feel for him
The tug at my heart
The feel of the arms
Around me
I pretend to be cradled
Because I need to feel
Belonging
I need to feel love
And now I am to be
Alone again
The angry spinster
The crazy old lady with the cats
Always special enough
To tumble
But never special enough
To be tied to
With oaths and vows.
I don't,
     You don't,
          We don't.
There is no more "we will"
Only "we did" or didn't
And I'm left holding
Some dusty roses
And a handful of cards
That say he loved me
That he wanted more
But never got around to

Pretty words
But lacking a
Motivating force
Always at rest
So my reaction
Gives its opposite
And he runs and hides
As I try to
Maintain a
Togetherness
That was never
Fully reciprocated
Understood
And maybe some day
I will fondly recall him
All I can do now is
Ask the sky why
As I hold up my head
And try not to cry,
While wondering if
Happiness has been cursed away
And an eternal search
Slated
Never to know that feeling
Only to watch and
Write and picture
But never me in
The frame
Always just setting up the shot

My life as film is
Tattered
Grainy pictures
Line my shelves
And the book of hurt
Magically grows
Another chapter
And the verse
Gets worse
As it goes on
As I go on
One
     One
          One
Half a breath
And I still
Can't get past
The weight on my
Chest
And it's not just
A helpful cat
It's the burden of
Knowledge
I live with
Every day
That I
Never
Should
Listen
And always should hide
Because some secrets
Add mystery
Rather than the
Glaring fluorescent
Reality
That awaits
Those who stand
     Alone.